I found this in my spam box and laughed so hard I almost choked on my coffee.
Like mankind itself, spam has become depressive and self-loathing. Just like us, it’s now apologising for its existance (links removed, of course):
Hello, Your site is perfect, sorry for my post home insurance car insurance health insurance sorry one more [...]
2006 Miss Australia Erin McNaughtrecently attracted some undue attention from conservative grandmothers and other like-minded wowsers.
Erin — whose nickname is ‘McNaughty’ — has been featured in an advertising campaign by wine-maker Cockatoo Ridge. The campaign has caused controversy due to a billboard featuring innuendo playing upon the name of the company.
Apparently it’s the first time [...]
The most unfortunate thing about actors passing away is the wanton airing of their cheapest movies on every television channel.
These ‘tributes’ make me sick. Depending on how you look at it they’re either capitalising on the death of a really nice person, or they’re glorifying a real prick. In the case of Charlton Heston I [...]
Continued from: Celebrity Crush - Part I
This story is about a good friend of mine. We’ll call him Ross (because that’s his name).
Please bear with me while I set this up.
Ross is unquestionably Australia’s biggest fan of the Idol franchise. Not only does he own all the merchandise, but he’s moderated the Australian Idol forums [...]
The celebrity crush is an interesting phenomenon.
Celebrities often have particular talents which drive their fame, but that’s not why we love them so much. The reason we cross the line from enjoying their work to building a shrine for them in our bedroom has nothing to do with fame and everything to do with the [...]
A pretty young woman stops on the Yarra Foot Bridge to capture Melbourne’s Southbank with her Canon 400d, but forgets to take the lens cap off.
Right now, and for a limited time only, if you visit Google Translate and translate a sentence with Heath Ledger’s name in it from English to Spanish, you’ll get a result referring to the much maligned Tom Cruise.
So, do the españophones really think that Heath Ledger is a scary whacked out scientologist with control issues? [...]
Over the last few years, Australia’s Nine Network, one of only 3 major commercial free-to-air networks has become all but irrelevant to audiences under 40. With a stellar program lineup involving Eddie McGuire upon Eddie McGuire, and one mind-numbing game show after another, it has gone from the top-rating network, to ranking similarly to government-owned [...]
The holiday season is traditionally my busiest, and this has been no exception. While everyone else is off enjoying the summer, I’ve been hanging out in datacenters, or mapping out new networks, so this is when my blogging takes its biggest hit.
Although I’m a little late in posting my greeting for the new year, I [...]
I realise that Al Gore isn’t particularly popular amongst Americans, but he seems to have won the respect of the rest of the world. Accused of lacking personality during the United States Presidential Election in 2000, this is a man who has shown himself to be an intelligent, articulate and good-humoured guy who is passionate [...]
Music in advertising is a big deal. We associate with it to the point where even years later when we hear a song it can remind us of the commercial that ruined it forever. Marketers know this very well, which is why I’m quite surprised to see two overlapping campaigns using the same song.
Get the [...]
Danny Bonaduce is an emotional leech, who should kill himself to save his loved ones having to endure him.
Go away you abrasive self-destructive fucking boat anchor. If you love your family eat a bullet.
This is one of those ‘news’ items that really makes you feel better about yourself. Sure, maybe your life is a bit dull, but at least you’re not as dumb and unlucky as this guy.
Here’s the story from the wire:
A Geelong Cats supporter wanting a permanent reminder of the team’s AFL triumph is ruing his [...]
Everyone around me is complaining about the screenwriters’ strike, but for some reason I just can’t bring myself to give a shit… At least not in the way everyone else is.
I really enjoy television too, but it’s not my only coping mechanism for the bullshit life throws at me. The way some people are complaining [...]
Seriously Oprah, just fuck off. Everyone knows your show is just PR for your money-making tornado. Your staff tirelessly dig up heartbreaking stories to draw in the bored housewife market, then you come out on stage professing to care about whatever the bullshit topic happens to be, when it’s abundantly clear that it’s your first [...]
If you’re the sort of person who yells at the stupid fucks on TV, this is the show you watch to rest your throat — ‘cos Judge Judy does the yelling for you.
This show is unique in that even the star of show thinks it’s stupid, and has no patience for her guests. What a [...]
Nobody casts Milla for her ability to deliver lines, so when you see her billed it’s a pretty safe bet that the movie will rely on her mesmerizing gaze and those brain-bendingly gorgeous thighs to portray her one-dimensional character. Film-makers have turned them into stars in their own right by strapping them with guns and filming half the movie at crotch height.
This time they dressed her in spandex, allowing her minge to deliver an array of expressions which eclipsed anything offered by her face.
National Indigenous Television (NITV) began broadcasting on the Foxtel and Austar pay TV networks on the first of November this year.
Their mission statement, as taken from their website, is as follows:
NITV is a new 24 hour television service established by Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islanders to improve the lives of our peoples. With the very [...]
Take a moment to enjoy a dramatic reading of a real breakup letter. Make sure your sound is on for this one.
This has been passed around the net a lot, but unlike most of those things this one is actually pretty funny.
Congratulations to Milla Jovovich and fiance Paul Anderson on the birth of their baby girl Ever Gabo Anderson today.
Milla’s thighs were the stars of some of my favourite mindless sci-fi action movies, but perhaps that’s all over now. Maybe a postnatal star on the ’stairmaster of fame’ is in order?
I suppose it would have [...]
I believe… If you’re going to run a network promo 10,000 times a day you should ensure that the script employs correct grammar.
Network Ten runs these black and white promos featuring the stars from all their TV shows imparting their character-driven wisdom by telling us what they believe. The Neighbours promo featuring Nicky Whelan is [...]
As Tarisai fades away, lets take a moment to laugh at her death throws. Here’s a little audio of what she was like the day after her dismissal from Australian Idol.
I’m glad to see Tarisai leave Australian Idol. She’s an evil little bitch and was never suited to the show. From day one she rubbed me the wrong way with her endless god bothering and arrogance, two things which are so annoying it’s fortunate that they don’t traditionally go together.
When the judges let her through [...]
Sneaky Sound System take out two ARIAs at this year’s awards, but do the guys really appreciate what Connie brings to the table? Lets hope so, or I bet they’ll lose a ton of fans.
Amy Wong is the hotness.
This post began as a one-liner for my (now defunct) Passing Thoughts section in the sidebar, but then I thought I should add a pic… By the time I was done pic-hunting, I’d decided Futurama should be represented in my headers, so there you have it.
The fan-art is by Andy McDermott [...]
One look at Mark Holden should reveal that this man’s idea of good taste leaves a lot to be desired. Here’s a 53 year old man who speaks like Ned Flanders and goes well out of his way to pretend he’s still twenty-something and cool. I’m not sure exactly in which decade he stopped being [...]
Recently Rove McManus launched the Australian version of Are You Smarter than a 5th Grader? From the outset this show promised to be just another in a long line of this planet’s transmissions inviting alien invasion by proclaiming our inferior intellect.
Invaders please note, by the time we’re old enough to be taken seriously or breed, our species becomes intellectually [...]
Quite deliberately, I don’t know anything about this remake beyond the promos which have littered the Seven Network recently, but given my neverending lust for all things Science Fiction, I really can’t wait for Bionic Woman to air tomorrow.
I have high hopes for shows featuring attractive women kicking arse. With any luck, this will fill the void Buffy [...]
Ever get the urge to hurl when channel surfing? I saw Patti Newton on Dancing With the Stars and tried to digest my television.
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Patti Newton does the Cha Cha Cha. What a freakshow. [...]
Honestly, I have trouble filing this post under Entertainment because this show is such a long way from entertaining.
Despite the claims of it’s many drooling fans, this is a pointless show that lampoons a subculture which doesn’t actually exist here. The cast (part of an incestuous little group of Aussie comics) have been using the same gags about moron middle-Australia [...]
Thank God someone’s making good use of Australian comics on television!
For a long time now, American TV executives have cashed in on the quick wit and bankability of stand-up comics, and despite Australia being flushed with that kind of talent, nobody has yet deemed it a worthwhile risk to give one of them a sitcom. We’ve produced a [...]
Far from being the nerve-tingling multi-orgasmic television climax it was billed as, Big Brothel 2006 has quickly proven itself just as predictable and boring as 2005. It’s only been a couple of days, and I can already say I won’t be watching it on purpose anymore.
To give you an idea of how stupid these people [...]
The closing ceremony for the Melbourne 2006 Commonwealth Games was last Sunday. I kept my mouth shut while they were on, but I think its high time for me to say my bit.
Enjoying the well-established global benchmark of amateur athletic competition simply isn’t enough. In keeping with trademark Anglo-Saxon elitism it is simply unacceptable for [...]
