Australia’s Fascination with Mr Sheen

Wow, it's been quite a week or so. Bear with me while I catch up.

Today, Kevin Rudd was sworn in as the 26th Prime Minister of Australia, after leading the Labor Party to a convincing victory in this federal election.

The Liberal Campaign

In my opinion, the Liberal Party never had a chance, and I'm convinced they were fully aware of that, which goes some way toward explaining their incredibly odd campaign strategy.

Rather than retire prior to the election John Howard announced his candidacy but made it abundantly clear that he'd retire shortly after taking office, to make way for the long forsaken yet oddly anointed Peter Costello.

As was made very clear by the Labor Party in their political propaganda, voters may have seen value in the Howard government for the last eleven years, but a vote for the Liberal Party was now a vote for Peter Costello who is completely devoid of charisma. After listening to Costello whine for years about being owed a leadership handover, Australia was never going to make him Prime Minister.

I find it quite odd that the party placed loyalty to him above being returned to office. The only explanation I have is that, like the rest of us, they probably had no expectation of being able to win this one.

Bennelong Time (Since I Rock and Rolled)

Howard's reluctance to retire in advance of the election also resulted in the loss of his home seat of Bennelong to the bright and chirpy Maxine McKew. An incumbent Prime Minister losing his home seat has only ever happened once before in Aussie politics. I bet that feels like a kick to the groin.

Pictured above with sugar daddy Kevin Rudd, Maxine is a high-calibre politician with intelligence and zeal who doesn't yet know the meaning of self-interest. Politicians like that are quite rare, and I hope her close working relationship with Rudd will help temper some of the smarmy arrogance we've seen from him. I think we've had quite enough of that from Howard for the last decade or so.

But what of our new overlord? Is he going to save us from the poverty prosperity and oppression opportunity we've had to endure under Howard? For all his personal and ideological flaws, Howard has overseen a time of good fortune and wealth for Australia. A time which has put more money into Aussie pockets, which is far more meaningful to most of us than his stance on refugees, his ugly eyebrows, or some intangible republican movement.

Is 'Kevin07' All Show and No Substance?

Over the last eleven years the Labor Party has been telling us the sky is falling, particularly with regard to the GST and Work Choices, but despite all the negativity, big ticket items are much cheaper making the 10% increase in price on small-ticket stuff a wash. Salaries have increased dramatically, and all the talk of crazy employers going on a firing rampage and extorting their workers has turned out to be complete crap.

Nevertheless, the propaganda got them elected and now Rudd is large and in charge, but what does that actually mean? He's an extremely intelligent and articulate man -- qualities I've longed for in a Prime Minister -- but I'm left wondering how the series of grand gestures he's promised will actually help anyone.

His first Prime Ministerial act was to ratify the Kyoto Protocol. A largely symbolic gesture, given Australia's size and the extreme emissions offset of existing logging bans. He's promised $500 towards laptops for students, but has yet to explain how giving kids their own unsupervised facebook platform in their bedroom is going to improve their education. He's charged with rolling back Work Choices, but to what extent he's prepared to do that is unclear.

It's my sincere hope that this is his most symbolic gesture of all. With any luck, he'll realise that he can simply rename it and keep reaping the economic benefits of increased workplace flexibility.

I suppose time will tell if voting for him was a good idea or not, however I'll always take solace in not having voted for Costello.

The 'Mr Sheen' Factor

They say that there's never more than 5% difference between one government and another. Looking at these two, it's hard to fathom even that much. For the last eleven years we've had a Prime Minister who looks like the logo of a brand of furniture polish, and we've just elected another one.

Mr Sheen has been part of Australian households since the 1950s. Perhaps it's the reliability and success of that brand which makes us trust people with these features. Perhaps there's a vile of sperm that ASIO keeps locked away, to breed true-blue Australian politicians, and Mr Sheen is just a covert government front designed to engender acceptance of the fruits of their breeding program.

I don't know, but one thing's for sure -- they look like brothers.