Fuck Off Oprah

9th of November, 2007

Seriously Oprah, just fuck off.  Everyone knows your show is just PR for your money-making tornado.  Your staff tirelessly dig up heartbreaking stories to draw in the bored housewife market, then you come out on stage professing to care about whatever the bullshit topic happens to be, when it's abundantly clear that it's your first time being exposed to the subject matter.

Oprah and her panel of blowhards discuss whichever topics will convince you that Oprah is a saint, while making loads of cash off other people's misery.

She says shit like:

I often don't see the material beforehand because I want to ensure that my reactions on the show are genuine.

How the fuck does a 'good tv reaction' excuse you from taking an interest in the topic?  You think it makes you a wonderful person to pay a bunch of people to chop together a tear-jerking story, while you run around your mansion playing with your dogs and not giving a shit?  It doesn't!

In fact, what Oprah does extremely well is marketing.  Her show sells mood swings to idiots who are vulnerable when in a heightened emotional state.

"Oh but she's cool, and she gives her whole audience stuff" I hear you babble.  No, she does not.  She's built up a massive viewer-base of morons who thrive on other people's misery.  She then uses that influence to convince companies to give her enough freebies for everyone in the audience if she whores out their shit to millions of her mindless drones.  That way it doesn't cost her a cent and she gets all the credit, ratings and adoration to go with her kickbacks.

In fact she's even said on her show that a certain company wouldn't come to the party, so she just replaced their product with something else.  So much for Oprah's 'Favourite Things' you idiot housewives.  If you think she uses half of that stuff you're retarded!  A high-definition camcorder, or a video iPod? She doesn't even know which way up to hold them, you dumbass.

But you'll buy all that crap anyway because you love Oprah, and if it's Oprah's favourite it must be good.

"Surely her charity work... moan, piss, etc..." -- NO.  She's worth US$1.5 billion, and earns US$260 million annually.  This is a woman who doesn't want to marry or have children, so exactly who is she amassing this fortune for?  On top of her income, she's able to generate an additional US$58.3 million or so, which she donates to charity.  You'll find out why I emphasised the word charity in a minute.

"But that's a fifth of her..."  Yes, you dolt that's a fifth of her income, but if you think she's the female black Jesus, then who is she keeping the other four-fifths for?  Don't you think having say 500 million in the bank and earning 52 million a year (that's a million dollars a week for you retarded emotional leeches) should be enough to get by on?  Obviously not for the world's gift to charity!

In fact her charitable donations would be 85% less were it not for her leadership academy for female African despots.  Instead of choosing to educate tens of thousands of people with that 50 mil, her choice was to hand-pick a few dozen applicants who she hopes will one day lead Africa's women in their unending persecution. One doesn't end the persecution of women by educating women, one ends it by educating the men that are persecuting them!  As unfortunate as it is, an oppressive male-dominated society can deny an educated woman opportunities as easily as it can any other -- and they pimp-slap equally well.

In fact, Oprah's charity organisation the Angel Network is nothing but a cheap PR stunt.  It's purpose is to guilt viewers like you into giving money you don't have, while Oprah covers the cost of running the network with a tiny and tax deductible 2.3% of her income.  It's the charity you start when you want credit for starting a charity.

Of course she's not obligated to be the queen of charity, unless of course she insists on promoting herself that way.

Unlike anyone else on the Slate 60, every dollar she's ever given has been publicised ad nauseam.  Her entire empire relies on self-promotion.  In fact, while the other charitable folks on that list all do other things for a living, Oprah's money is made directly from publicising her own good deeds.

Is it really charity if every dollar you give causes you to receive five more?  As far as I'm concerned anyone who thinks she's being selfless can fuck off right along with her.

Without the adulation she generates for herself by giving money away, she'd be nothing more than a black Ricki Lake sitting around leading a global masturbation session for women who get their emotional gratification from television.

Ten Responses

  1. #1 10th of November, 2007 at 21:41

    ok.. you know how much i love oprah lol… so all I want to say is…

    If only everyone in the world gave 20% of their wage to charitable causes!!

    Long Live oprah!! hehe

  2. #2 10th of November, 2007 at 21:43

    perhaps you missed the point where giving 20% of your wage ALLOWED you to earn the other 80%.

    I’d do that in a heartbeat.  If I could give away a thousand bucks and end up with four grand because of it, I’d be doing it all day, just like her.

  3. #3 10th of November, 2007 at 21:45

    I don’t think we should begrudge her for that… the fact is, more money is going to charity BECAUSE of her. Regardless of where it is actually coming from.

  4. #4 10th of November, 2007 at 21:51

    I do take your point… and if she did it without generating an image of the female black jesus for herself, I’d be fine with it.

    The problem is that people don’t think about the fact that she’s getting stinking rich off charity work - NOBODY else has done that to date.

    Others give, and when they do, they don’t ask anything in return.  Oprah does a series of shows in which people hug and thank her.

  5. #5 10th of November, 2007 at 21:58

    I understand where you are coming from.  I guess it just doesn’t bother me as much as it does you.

    On another note, I enjoy watching Oprah shows. I do not enjoy Jerry Springer, or B Grade films.. films from the 70’s etc that would normally play in the time slot.

    Also… her ‘favourite things’ episodes genuinely excite me =)

  6. #6 11th of November, 2007 at 12:31

    Heh, Oprah is an attention seeking, umm, person who pretty much does a lot of what she does because the more popular she is, the higher her ratings are and the more she earns. And oh, to top it off, she dramatizes everything (slapping people publicly, abusing people on TV etc.) because her audience thinks it’s cool to do so.

    And as my girlfriend says, a lot of the things that she says is good for you aren’t necessarily so — she does it for endorsements and creates fads.

    Personally? I think ignoring people like her is a lot more helpful and healthy (to my heart, that is, so that I don’t get worked up) than giving them any attention whatsoever.

  7. #7 11th of November, 2007 at 16:08

    ^ ignoring her sounds good to me; however having people like Milo to prick her dollar bloated conscience every now might do her some good, even hough the chances of her reading anything negative about self are zip.

    And ouch Bleachy how can you SERIOUSLY like Oprah, I mean c’mon >.<

  8. #8 14th of November, 2007 at 13:03

    To give further strength to your post Milo, I was at home yesterday and popped the TV on and there was Oprah - featuring some actress and her husband who had lost a son in a plane crash; it was absolutely grotesque watching them play out their misery again on the screen, and the two siblings of the dead brother were obviously squirmishing in their seats on the verge of tears and did not want to be going through that ordeal one little bit.

    I dont know what on earth posesses people to want to share their misery with the masses.

  9. #9 14th of November, 2007 at 18:59

    The producers of shows like that convince people that sharing their misery will be a healing process, and may indirectly help others.

    That’s complete crap.  All it does is allow their viewers to get their morbid entertainment out of the suffering of others.  It’s a case of throwing another christian into the ring, except that its an emotional re-telling of the horrors, rather than a blood-bath.

    Since this is a show aimed at women, does it then follow that while men might be entertained by life-and-death physical struggle, women are only entertained if that struggle is told over a series of episodes which expose the deep emotional horror of all parties concerned?

    Does Oprah think it’s only fun for women if someone’s suffering and crying?  No no, she acknowledges a woman’s mercenary side as well. 

    Free stuff and horror stories.  What a feminist.  What a role model to aspire to.

  10. #10 30th of November, 2007 at 19:23

    “I often don’t see the material beforehand because I want to ensure that my reactions on the show are genuine.”

    Then the producers should announce that she will donate 80% of her money to charity on the show. She would still be grotesquely rich, and Starvin Marvin will get his Tako sports watch.  Everybody wins.

Respond Now

Comments are Gravatar enabled

Fields marked * are required.

Allowed XHTML:
<a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>

Close
E-mail It