UltraViolet

Though it's necessary to twist the meaning of the word a little, I thought Kirt Wimmer's Equilibrium was quite... good.

Unfortunately, I didn't get around to watching UltraViolet until just yesterday.

I was looking forward to seeing more of Wimmer's brainchild martial art Gun Kata, but I had very few other clues as to what to expect from this movie, except of course the presence of Milla Jovovich, who is one of the most engaging yet genuinely bad actresses ever.  I'm convinced she knows it though, which makes it somehow forgivable.

Nobody casts Milla for her ability to deliver lines, so when you see her billed it's a pretty safe bet that the movie will rely on her mesmerizing gaze and those brain-bendingly gorgeous thighs to portray her one-dimensional character.  Film-makers have turned them into stars in their own right by strapping them with guns and filming half the movie at crotch height.

This time they dressed her in spandex, allowing her minge to deliver an array of expressions which eclipsed anything offered by her face.

Say what you like, but those thighs should win a SAG Award before they start to...  Unless of course she's already sacrificed them to her hulking pregnancy.

I haven't really written much about the movie so far because there's not much plot to speak of.  That's not something which really bothers me as long as the visuals are interesting enough, and there's a hot chick doing unspeakably violent things somewhere in the mix.

In fact the visuals are indeed interesting.  The movie opens with shots of a fictitious comic book, which sets the tone and acts as a warning beacon to those who watch movies for character development.

There's a hell of a lot of CGI in UltraViolet, with most of the completely implausible action sequences being heavily worked-over, and the vast majority of scenery being entirely CG.  The interesting part was how they chose to integrate it with live-action.  They really embraced the comic book thing wholeheartedly and instead of pretending anything was real, they made the actors look more computer generated.  This simple (though probably expensive) decision helps the movie tremendously.

I think the story is intended to be irrelevant, but I really should tell you that our protagonist Violet is the carrier of a bloodborne mutagen which gives humans super-abilities and physical characteristics similar to vampires.  Apparently this virus has been with us forever, but its discovery and subsequent weaponisation has made it much more contagious.

Fear of infection led to a 'blood war' between humans and the infected hemophages, resulting in the near eradication of the mutants whose only desire was to survive.  In the mean time, our antagonist evil-corporate-guy has prepared his final attack -- a weapon that is said to spell the end for hemophage kind.

Violet is sent to retrieve this weapon and destroy it, but upon discovering that it's actually a young boy she ends up turning both sides against her by refusing to hand him over -- instead running off to mother him.

Only though her compassion and nurturing does she eventually discover the truth about the boy, and the secrets evil-corporate-guy is hiding.

... Like I said, I think we're supposed to ignore the plot, but to Kirt Wimmer's credit, there's definitely plenty of back-story and potential for detail, even if some of it feels a little derivative.  In fact even some of the barely-mentioned technology is quite cleverly conceived and deserving of fleshing out in a short-lived TV series or something.  There was just no time for any of that richness in this action movie.

Since I enjoy even the worst science fiction, UltraViolet was far from a waste of time for me.  I even walked away with a sexy new header in the rotation thanks to the movie poster.

Though quite fun to watch and filled with great promise, UltraViolet turned out terminally beige due to brutal editing and reckless disregard for exposition.  A good way to blow an hour and a half if you're a geek with a penchant for swords, guns and thighs.