Off the Hizzy, Indeed.

Sometimes marketing can be quite clever or creative and can demonstrate a deep understanding of the product and the audience to which it may appeal. Quite often though, all it does is demonstrate that out-of-touch executives will pay just about anything if you manage to convince them it's cool.

I don't blame marketing companies for that, since business is often about selling total crap to whomever will buy it. Instead I blame the companies who would agree to pay for and put their name on such complete crap. In this case I blame Schick.

I'm talking about the TV advertisement in which the old scientist with a thick accent runs a few social tests at the Schick Shave Lab to see if the new Schick Quattro Titanium really is... what the fuck does he say there?

And that's the problem right there, nobody has a clue what he's saying. The entire sales pitch rests on this one line in the script which is unintelligible to the majority of the target market.

Without the requisite keywords it took quite a bit of googling to work out that he in fact says "...if it's really off the hizzy" and even this discovery was due to another literate person wondering what the hell was being said. OK, so now I know what he says, but what does it mean? Does anyone old enough to shave actually have a clue what 'off the hizzy' means? Sure it's easy to guess, but if we have to guess what it means, then was it really a good idea to get a geriatric lisper with a thick accent to garble the line?

So 'off the hizzy' translates roughly to 'is really good' and perhaps I'd have been more familiar with that if my Calvin Kleins were showing above my super-baggy pants which I have to hold up with my left hand while stealing some kid's Nikes with my right. Perhaps I'd have known that if my entire plan for the week was to spraypaint a marijuana leaf on my skateboard, but that isn't me. In fact, that isn't really most of the audience at all.

I'm 31. I could stand to shave more often. If Schick wants my business they're going to have to do a lot better than that.

You know, getting old people to use (American) street slang isn't really as cool or funny as it might seem at first. Off the hizzy, fo shizzle.